The Rantings of a Pregnant Stripper
These are the real life statuses of two Crazy Pregnant Strippers I know. These are all real stripper statuses, I have not edited them in any way.
There are days I just want to sniff the day away!
I wonder if people in China push their eyes in from the outside corners and say, “Hahaha!! Look, I’m American!
CPS
Let’s get one thing straight -I am NOT cute -Cute is a puppy dog. Cute is an Anne Geddes photo. Cute is NOT a 23 year old chick rockin’ an amazing rack and speaks fluent sarcasm. Now that, well, that’s hot.
CPS
Even when it’s not the best of days, you can always tell yourself,”Hey, at least I’m not the guy who sank a $570 million ship.
CPS
The only time it’s cool to yell “I have diarrhea!” is when you’re playing Scrabble.
CPS
Why is driving so damn difficult for some people?! It’s as elementary as coloring. All you have to do is stay inside the fucking lines!
CPS
It’s almost midnight and my bed right now is like that special girl you can’t stop fantasizing about having sex with…I want to be in it SO bad!!
CPS
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
CPS
Somewhere between laughing for no reason, stupid arguments, and making fun of each other, I fell in love with you.
CPS
Why do they have a beauty section at Walmart?
CPS
